What I preferred, is getting passionate about tons of things. My devotion for Chess and New York City, has brought me into passionate discussions with my ex-boyfriend. My taste for the green color shades is renowned. I like raw foods above all; Ceviche, Carpaccio, Sashimi, Tartare… The appreciation I have for my own parallel life, in dreams, makes me a little bit lunatic at times. With his three years old mental age, I understand my cat is a toddler. I care for my spouse as if my life depended on it. Reading and writing is my whole life.  

• Nevertheless, the fuss around my mental health, have felt like torture for a long time. 

• Over here it’s a Zoo. At every corner you find a uniform cop for traffic. On Ste-Helen’s Island, its Fireworks all summer long. The cars race from the suburb to downtown, and back. Teachers and nurses are striking for better pay.  

My memories are sharp and limpid. My conscience is closer to a vivid dream than reality. Sometimes, a white curtain of frost seems to float in the room. Most days, I avoid going out of my home. It is my whole universe held between those walls. The ambiance is the one of souvenirs, recollection of events, good and bad luck, it is a tribute to my past experiences. Therefore, I would consider the flat my own private paradise.  

Chapter Two 

What we created here, this bubble, helped me get over a lot. The sick, exhausting, lowlife part of this illness can be bad. Nightmares are the worse. Along with a crazy impression. Where I believed in a supernatural force, replacing the people around me with counterfeit.  

My entire family had left town. My mom bought an apartment in what reassembles a Paris Cité complex. My dad rents a large, high end, expensive flat in a new construction with view on the autoroute. My stepdad moved into a small modern house, on the north shore. My brother purchases his first home at forty years old, deep into the suburbia cliché. But my half and me, we stayed. We choose the city center, partly because we are refusing to get a car, for different ethical reasons. Mainly, we like the urban feeling. It tends to remind me of any other exotic places. I can pray to be in Europe, America or Asia, to be downtown his like the center of the universe. Certainly, the world looks smaller from this point of view. There is a small piece of space in this, which I know is at peace. Within the noisy city, we created a retreat made of heaven. My main occupation has been to keep it safe and sound.