It all started with symptoms of Agoraphobia. At the end of adolescence, it became evident it was more comfortable for me to act has a recluse. What came later, are a basket of trauma, due to my agitated passage in the psychiatric system. Crazy nurses have chocked me, I have been sedated, put in isolation, tied to a bed repeatedly, other patients would beat me up. My distrust in psychiatric care is growing as much as the intensity of my bad dreams about the hospital. The strong fear of the outdoors surged at the same time with a serious anxiety problem. So, I tucked in. Years later, even with treatment, I make a trip to the supermarket twice a month. And I visit my nurse once every three weeks, that is it. In the Summertime, I might take a walk around the block in the middle of the night. When the whole city is sleeping, I usually stay awake. Because even from the inside of my home, I can ultimately feel safe.  

Nothing has been easy, the past thirty years. Desperately, I have looked upon a quiet, loving home. Life did give me a difficult time; it is now gentle and rewarding. The challenges stayed, with them even greater happiness.  

My dream of a peaceful household has its roots in all that Buddhism appreciates. We are keeping in mind, to care about each other. A family is a microcosm placed into a larger scale reality. In this place, we laugh, we sing, we pray. Rarely you will see us complain. Above all, we cultivate generosity. To be a part of this, is like creating a new element. Indestructible, otherwise stable ingredient, which makes the world a little bit more colorful. Independant, outside of influences, but it becomes a much-needed fraction. A whole world called home. Like there are billions. To organized it, is the path to happiness. 

After, they transported me in an oxygenated room. When I woke, we walked out. A nice officer slowed down. They offered to take me home. I was around 25 minutes from the nearest Center. Two hours from my house in the City. From there, they categorized me ‘homeless with responsibility’. I figure out another appointment six months later. From there, the drugs were updated to ‘active and in battle’. But then, distant voices and souvenirs kicked in. I followed my trail. Asking fewer questions, cooking, avoiding to alert just anybody. The nice officer had been transferred to Car Thief and Burglar Crime since. My drugs have been updated again to ‘Alert and Critical’.